24 very short essays
1. I think about pouring water into mailboxes.
2. When I’m reading the paper or a magazine and a foreign name comes up, say an Asian or Arab name, I skip over it.
3. In the face of silence a stupid man will repeat his favorite jokes, stories, and movie quotes without considering if he has told you them before. Also, he will enjoy the same level of excitement from them each time they are repeated.
4. Even nice pants don’t look good on fat people.
5. Not wearing a seatbelt is okay. Thinking about wearing a seatbelt, and then not doing it, is not.
6. I can tell when people are just repeating something they heard someone else say.
7. It is a Puerto Rican’s instinct to tie his boom box and several Puerto Rican flags to a bike and ride it around a four block radius over and over again.
8. As a piece of conceptual art I checked an empty bag last week when I flew to Detroit. I figured if they asked me what’s in the bag I could just give a blank stair and say, “nothing”.
9. I only wash my hands after going to the bathroom if another person is in there with me.
10. As a child, my mom chose the left side of my head to be the side on witch she would part my hair. I think my natural part side is my right though.
11. I learned everything I know from rap songs.
12. When Max sees a girl he likes he sings a song in his head. He has sung the song for me. It has the words bang-bang, pooper, daddy, and snoochies in it.
13. By the time I was 5 years old, I was using swear words heavily.
14. I have spent my whole life trying to be liked.
15. Wearing under armor in public is not okay.
16. If you just sit on the couch and do nothing at all, Something will still happen.
17. That was not Alicia Silverstone skating the vertical ramp in the video for Free Falling.
18. White people ruined the world.
19. Today we ordered food from several different ethnic restaurants, and judged the overall value of each culture based upon the order witch they arrived. Japanese won. 20. An average high-schooler is more dangerous then an average criminal.
21. I have discovered a fundamental flaw in all movies,
they end.
22. You cannot comprehend my lifestyle.
23. Home is the place you think all places are like, until you realize…they are not.
24. If you don’t have anything mean to say, don’t say anything at all.
2. When I’m reading the paper or a magazine and a foreign name comes up, say an Asian or Arab name, I skip over it.
3. In the face of silence a stupid man will repeat his favorite jokes, stories, and movie quotes without considering if he has told you them before. Also, he will enjoy the same level of excitement from them each time they are repeated.
4. Even nice pants don’t look good on fat people.
5. Not wearing a seatbelt is okay. Thinking about wearing a seatbelt, and then not doing it, is not.
6. I can tell when people are just repeating something they heard someone else say.
7. It is a Puerto Rican’s instinct to tie his boom box and several Puerto Rican flags to a bike and ride it around a four block radius over and over again.
8. As a piece of conceptual art I checked an empty bag last week when I flew to Detroit. I figured if they asked me what’s in the bag I could just give a blank stair and say, “nothing”.
9. I only wash my hands after going to the bathroom if another person is in there with me.
10. As a child, my mom chose the left side of my head to be the side on witch she would part my hair. I think my natural part side is my right though.
11. I learned everything I know from rap songs.
12. When Max sees a girl he likes he sings a song in his head. He has sung the song for me. It has the words bang-bang, pooper, daddy, and snoochies in it.
13. By the time I was 5 years old, I was using swear words heavily.
14. I have spent my whole life trying to be liked.
15. Wearing under armor in public is not okay.
16. If you just sit on the couch and do nothing at all, Something will still happen.
17. That was not Alicia Silverstone skating the vertical ramp in the video for Free Falling.
18. White people ruined the world.
19. Today we ordered food from several different ethnic restaurants, and judged the overall value of each culture based upon the order witch they arrived. Japanese won. 20. An average high-schooler is more dangerous then an average criminal.
21. I have discovered a fundamental flaw in all movies,
they end.
22. You cannot comprehend my lifestyle.
23. Home is the place you think all places are like, until you realize…they are not.
24. If you don’t have anything mean to say, don’t say anything at all.
posted by Dr. Fish | 5:24 PM
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